Smile
by XLuridXIllusionsX
Summary: When Ciel hands his newest member of the Phantomhive crew a mission to take out a kidnapper she never thought she'd find a man who could break through her walls and pull tight the fraying threads that held her broken form together. When it comes down to it she'll have to choose between the boy who saved her from her grim treacherous past or the man who saved her mind and soul.
1. My mission

_**Authors Note: This is a story I've been writing a long time, hope everyone likes it. JokerXOc **_

_**Title: Smile**_

_**Rated: M for mature: Strong language, strong gore, disturbing imagery and some sexual content.**_

_**Summary: When Ciel hands his newest member of the Phantomhive crew a mission to take out a kidnapper she never thought she'd find a man who could break through her walls and pull tight the fraying threads that held her broken form together. When it comes down to it she'll have to choose between the boy who saved her from her grim treacherous past or the man who saved her mind and soul. **_

Ch1- My mission

"Do whatever you find necessary to get close to the ring leader. Immoral or not, find out whatever you can, through whatever means necessary" That is what the young master told me, face emotionless as always and I as his maid….would do exactly as he asked.

A tall auburn haired man walked out on to the stage and called into the crowed "We'll start out with our lovely beast tamer and then move on to our newest additions." With that he disappeared in a cloud of smoke. The red head must have been the ring leader. I made a short mental note of that.

The show was pretty amazing but seemed to go by a little too slow. I thought about leaving and coming back later a few times….but in the end I don't want to disappoint the young master. After all I do owe him a great debt. He saved me from my past, sometimes I still feel like I'm running from it. The sound of a velvet voice broke me from my daze "would ye com'on up and help me with a trick?" his smile was dazzling. It was easy to tell why he was the ring leader, a smile that captivates for miles.

I blinked a few times in response "I umm I don't know any tricks"

"Com'on now, I'll only ask ye to stand there" he said keeping his smile on his face. His eyes matched his smile. Bright and full of life like his voice.

"N...No" I said a bit hesitantly. I was merely there to observe not be part of the show.

"Com'on I couldn't help but notice thy pretty silver eyes, ye'd be hurtin my feelins if ye turned me down"

I chewed on my lower lip and looked at him "do ye trust me?" he held out a pale hand, keeping the other behind his back as he bowed, waiting for an answer…an answer I did not know how to give.

"How can I trust you….I don't even know you" I said quietly. "Ye won't be hurt" he promised and his fingers curled around my small hand and he pulled me up onto the stage "Now stand still" he smiled holding up a knife that soon turned into five or six knives. In all honesty I probably looked silly. I had my long dark curly hair pulled back into a lose pony tail and wore a white button up blouse that hung kind of big on my slender form, with a pair of tattered blue trousers.

They all assumed I was an orphan…I could tell just by the way they stared. I guess it's kind of true, I have no parents…

Smoke engulfed my body and I looked around a bit frantically before realizing it was just part of the trick. A knife flew past my face, then another and another. When the smoke cleared I stood, chest heaving as labored breaths past through my lips, and a circle of knives outlining my body. "Oh…my" I thought Id faint. The crowd cheered. The auburn haired man took a bow and smiled at me "Ye did great"

I nodded in acknowledgement. My voice was caught in my throat, I felt my soul leave my body and float toward the ceiling playing a harp as I stood there begging my lungs to take in air. HE JUST THREW LIKE 74 KNIVES AT ME! He walked over to me when the colorful curtains closed on the stage. "Ye were such a lovely assistant" he joked. Could this idiot not see that I was about to die? "Can I ask thy name?"

"He...Hecate" I said catching my breath, recovering from the shock of just being a target for knife throwing.

"Tis a lovely name" he gave me another breath taking smile.

"I think you said yours during the show, Joker, right?"

"Yeah" he nodded.

I remembered my mission. I needed to get him alone so we could talk. How do you get a stranger to talk to you? My conscious muttered 'Make friends with him dumbass' I wasn't good at making friends. Either peoples liked me or they hated me, it was just an impression type thing. He was watching me with a weird look on his face, probably trying to figure out what I was thinking.

I looked around for something, anything, just one reason to start a conversation. My silver eyes fell on his right arm. "Uh, what happened to your arm? If you don't mind my asking" it was probably an uncomfortable topic but it was all I could think up at the moment.

He laughed weakly "Uh actually I get that a lot so it's not as uncomfortable as ye would think"

"So will you tell me about it then?"

"If yer really that interested"

"Joker move yer ass!" A blond with wild eyes yelled from where he stood behind us with a broom "Some of us gotta work now!" he growled.

"Alright Dagger" he laughed.

"Let's go talk around back" he led me out of the tent. The air outside was a bit chilly, not really chilly enough to be called cold though. I watched his face and waited for his story "Really it was just a freak accident involving a carriage" he explained "I was little, never really had a mother to tell me not to play in the street, ya know?" I nodded I guess I could relate to a not so great upbringing.

"How long have you been a part of the circus?" I asked as we strolled behind the tent.

"Since I was small" he shrugged "I just like to make folks smile"

"That's a rare thing now days" I gave him a soft smile.

"Pardon me, but yer voice, where are ye from?" he asked like a gentleman….maybe he asked that way because he was a gentleman….and I was just…no…I have to do this besides I just met him…why do I care if I hurt him for the cause of information.

"I'm Russian" I said quietly "I guess I got here awhile ago but the accent is still kind of there"

"That's alright, that accent keeps thy tied to home in a way"

"I guess I didn't really think of it like that. I just knew I had a hard time finding work for awhile when I was first shipped to London because I was Russian.

"What keeps you tied to the circus Joker? The circus is like your home, right?" I asked sounding curious. Maybe I kind of was. Joker was one of those people that made you want to know more and more about them. Either way…I was taking mental notes. Making out a report for the young master in my head.

He sat down on a crate behind a tent, I assumed it was the one he slept in. "Yes this place is my home, and what binds me to it? My love for the people here" his eyes drifted toward the shadows of the people in the tent to the far left of us. The shadows were big and small, different shapes and sizes but I could hear them laughing. Family.

He seemed to have zoned out staring at the tent. "Hecate!" I heard Baldroy's gruff voice followed by the sweet sound of Finny's. They were looking for me.

"I'm sorry, I've got to go, nice meeting you joker!" I leapt up and started to run toward their voices.

"Hecate! Meet me here again at this hour tomorrow will ye?" he called out.

I didn't look back at him but said "Sure!" I never looked back when I walked away or turned my back to someone. It makes the goodbye so much easier when you don't have to look at them.

Bard rushed me into a hug as soon as he saw me. "Hey" He muttered into my hair. "You played your part magnificently, you did" Meyrin chimed with a smile.

"Thanks guys, I didn't figure much out"

Bard laughed "Well geez Hecate don't be so hard on yourself, this investigation shit takes time. Ya won't have to do it often; it's rare for the young master to send one of us out to do this kind of stuff"

Meyrin nodded in agreement "He's right. Now let's go on back home and get you into a bath, you look pale tonight, yes you do" I had no idea what she was talking about. I was always pale my skin looked like ivory.

Sebastian let us into the manor and greeted us with one of his fake smiles. To me Sebastian was not a good looking or hard working man, he was a weirdo with a fake smile and eyes filled with senseless lies. I wasn't stupid and he wasn't fooling me.

I walked past the young master's room and decided to check on him. Barley opening the door I peered into the dark room. He was huddled up in his covered, like they would protect him from his nightmares and the monsters under his bed. "Young master, your still very much a child" I smiled to myself. Feeling exhausted I moved to close the door until I heard a tiny voice "Hecate, is that you?"

"yes" I responded quietly "Just checking on you"

"Come here" he said sternly, trying to sound commanding as he yawned in the most adorable way. I crossed the room to stand at his bed side "Yes?" I asked sweetly.

"Tell me that one story" he muttered looking up at me through his one visible eye, the other was covered by his bangs. To me he was like my little brother, the one thing I still cared about in my life, the last person I considered to be my family. He had made himself comfortable with me long ago. He shows me venerability, no one else will ever see him so care free as I do. I sat down on his bed and settled in so my arm was draped around him. He let himself settle as well and his blue eyes fell shut "Once in a city called Hamelin"


	2. To laugh again

"Thank you" a young dark haired man smiled at me as I poured his tea. The young master sat on the other side of the table keeping his usual calm posture that made him look a few years above his age.  
"Master Ceil, would you like more tea?" I asked a bit shyly.  
"Yes, Hecate" he mumbled as I poured tea into his cup. This was a calm morning. The kind that was rare here. I could not help but look at the man sitting across from the master and wonder what trouble he'd cause us later. A thief, maybe a murder, or a scam artist. It seems like everyone that does business with Funtom is one of the three.  
The dark haired man smiled "Hecate, an awfully pretty name, you're a bit to pretty to be playing maid, sweetheart" He reached out to touch my face. I caught his wrist in a vice like grip "You can make comments, you can think about it if you want to, but Do. Not. Touch. Me." I said as my eyes formed icy slits.  
Ciel smiled briefly but then said "Why don't you go clean up in the house, Hecate" I dropped the man's hand and turned to make my way back into the house.  
I walked back into the kitchen. Baldroy was holding a flame thrower over a cooking pot "Put it down" I muttered.  
"But it won't cook!" he groaned. I peered over his shoulder at the oven "Light it" I said in a bitter tone, I told him every fucking day.  
He laughed "Oh yeah, that might help"  
"Baldroy? Where's Sebastian?" I asked my tone sounded tired.  
"Eh? Oh Sebastian" he grumbled "I think he's in the Library" he said as he scratched the back of his head. I muttered a light thank you then sauntered down the long corridor and up the steps "Sebastian?" I poked my head in the door way of the Library.  
"Hecate?" he looked at me from where he stood in front of a bookcase with a duster in hand.  
"You need help with anything?" I asked a bit quietly.  
"No, as you should know by now, I am a very capable man." he said dusting off a shelf.  
I rolled my eyes "Arrogant is what you are" I moved to turn away but in a matter of seconds he caught me by the wrist. My body froze and Sebastian said "Come here"  
My cheeks grew warm as he stared down at me threw vibrant red eyes "You have a most interesting soul Hecate, one day I might just need a taste" and with that he was gone. I stood there frozen with a ghost like pale complexion and the sound of my heart beating in my ears.  
…..did he just say he'd eat me?  
"Hecate" finny called from down the hall and it broke me from my confusion.  
"What's wrong finny?" I spun around on my heel.  
"I umm…..the garden…" his face was flushed pink and his blue eyes nervous. I raised an eye brow at him "I'm coming Finny" I walked ahead of him dusting my hands off on the skirt of my uniform. I smiled seeing the mess of a garden out back.  
Every day was this way. Baldroy, Meyrin, and Finny would mess up and Sebastian would scold them as if clean up took him hours. I made my fair share of mistakes in the house hold. I've broken a plate or two…and flooded the basement. Sebastian has scolded me the way he dose them. But we live to protect the young master and I wouldn't have it any other way.  
The sky was black, dotted with bright stars and swirls of purple. The kind of night that made London seem like a dream. I kicked back on a crate behind the circus tent and folded my hands in my lap. My long dark hair was pulled back into a messy pony tail. I watched a girl with curly short black hair walk out of the tent "that's the beast tamer. Shows almost over" I mumbled playing with the hem of my maid uniform in my hand.  
"A maid? Didn't know that about ye"  
"Hello Joker" I gave him a sweet smile.  
"When ya didn't turn back and face me I was worried ye wouldn't come back"  
I said "I've got a problem with goodbyes"  
"Why?"  
"To many of em I guess"  
"Then ye should be used to them"  
I nodded "I think I'm just a bit to use to them….to the point of not even needing to look back anymore. I already know how it ends"  
"Goodbye doesn't mean the end"  
"What does it mean?"  
"Goodbye's are only temporary, endings are forever" he flashed me a dazzling smile. If my heart weren't practically untouchable that smile would make me swoon.  
"You really believe that?" I gave him a half hearted look.  
"We said goodbye last night, here we are again" he sat down beside me on the crate.  
I just looked at him "why do you try to make everything so….positive…umm…yeah… that's the word"  
"It's a good way to live" He said softly "happiness is rare in most places, so if ye always take it with ya, then ye have something most folks will never find in a lifetime"  
"I guess I was always unhappy so I never really thought of happiness as something I could take everywhere with me"  
"A maiden as beautiful as ye, shouldn't be unhappy" there's that smile again.  
I felt my cheeks grow warm when he called me beautiful in his velvet gentle tone. I kept fumbling with the hem of my skirt, frilling the ruffles with my fingers as I shifted my long pale legs clad in white stockings up and down one another in an awkward nervous manor.  
"Pardon me, but do I make you…nervous miss?" he gave a smirk that sent chills up my spine and made me look away from those vibrant purple eyes.  
"You do, that's the part that scares me" I mumbled and stopped fumbling with my skirt. He looked at me with a soft gaze "Why does that scare ye?"  
"I don't often get nervous" I shrugged.  
"Is that so?"  
I nodded and turned my eyes back to the stars "Ever wonder if you could fly?"  
"What an odd thing to say" he mused and sat down beside me.  
"I guess so, still it'd be nice to just fly away"  
"It would" he agreed.  
"What do you do for fun around here?" I asked hoping to get him alone, away from where someone could just randomly walk up and hear us talking. He looked up as if he were thinking about it "Come with me, ye will absolutely love this" He chimed. He walked into his tent and quickly walked out with a bag thrown over his shoulder.  
"Where are we going?" I asked as we walked down the side of a forest path. "Ye'll see" he promised and said "Keep up with me, the trees are thick up ahead and it's hard to see" I nodded and walked through the darkness, unable to see him but snow and sticks crunched under his feet and I could hear him. As we walked he kept everything somewhat interesting by asking me about 30 questions, trivial questions like 'what is yer last name' and 'what is yer favorite color' 'how old are ye' I was supposed to be doing the interrogating.  
We came to a clearing, moon light shined down on a lake that was frozen over. Around us there was nothing but trees for what looked like miles. "Here" he threw me a pair of ice skates "I uh…" I just stared at them in my hands.  
"It's fun" he said as he laced up his skates and skated out onto the pond. He moved easily and came to a smooth stop, waiting for me. "Joker I don't know how to-"  
"Aw I know yer lying now, ye grew up around ice and snow in Russia, did you not? Don't tell me you never did this"  
My whole face turned bright pink as I stared down at the hell I held in my hands "I was never good at it!" I called to him. He merely laughed "Come on now"  
I wasn't getting out of it so I laced em up and shuffled awkwardly onto the ice, legs slipping and sliding in every direction. He steadied me with his arms and held me in place "Alright now, yer thinking about it way too much, it's simple" he was speaking to me as if I were a child.  
"Now try again" to my own surprise he didn't try to hold me, or guide me in his arms like the men in novels did. Then again men like that didn't really exist. I liked that he didn't try to guide me though, I was a fairly independent woman and I preferred to do things on my own. I shuffled around in a circle in the most ungraceful way before stumbling onto my face. Joker laughed "Ye have the grace of an ox Ms. Grey" He chuckled.  
I offered him a half hearted smile as I pried my clumsy ass off the ice "Haha ha" I rolled my eyes. "Practice makes perfect" he tsked.  
"This requires coordination" I mumbled crawling my way to the snow covered grass. He plopped down beside me "Is this what ye do? Do ya just give up when it doesn't work out the first time?"  
"I guess so" I muttered hugging my knees to my chest.  
"Ye will never accomplish anything" he promised.  
I groaned. He wanted me to try again. "Watch me" he said with a smile as he skated back out onto the ice. I breathed on my hands to warm them as I watched his movements. He was graceful, I had never been graceful. I was about as subtle as a gun and as graceful as an ox. "I think I got it" I said moving back out onto the ice. Slowly but surely I made my way around.  
I'd figured it out for the most part, it was kind of freeing, the wind against my face was cold but when I closed my eyes I felt like I could fly away. The sweet feeling came to an end and the feeling of de ja vu fell over me. The ice cracked and suddenly I was 8 years old again, falling through the ice of a pond in Russia. The water was cold, painful, everything was numb but it hurt at the same time. My hands floated above me. 8 year old hands beat on the ice trying to break through. 19 year old lips parted to scream into the icy water and made no sound. 8 year old eyes fluttered shut as a 19 year old mind went blank. Everything was gone and once more, just one more time in my life I felt death coming to pull me into his dark embrace.

My eyes opened and through blurry vision emerald green eyes stared down into mine but they faded to lavender and Joker held me against him "My god, I'm sorry. That wasn't supposed to happen" I could hardly hear him my head was spinning and in all honesty I was just cold. He gathered me into his arms and said "put yer arms around me, Ye'll have to support some of yer weight because of my arm" I felt him lift me bridal style, I kept my arms tight around his neck and buried my face into his throat. He was cold, like me, and wet but he smelled good, like fresh rain in the spring.  
Soon we were back to the circus and inside of his tent "Here" he handed me a dry shirt, it was large and a tinted white color. "Put it on for now" he smiled and turned his back so I could strip naked and put the shirt he'd given me over my trembling body. It fell around my frame in a baggy way that made me feel like a child. Then he was behind me and gathered all my wet hair up into a messy bun "there, ye'll feel better soon"  
He pulled his shirt over his head and offered me a smile "Ya gonna continue to enjoy the view?" I snapped my head to the side "S..sorry, I wasn't thinking right" I stammered feeling my cheeks turn pink once again. Once he was dressed in dry pants and a baggy white shirt and settled down beside me "Thought I lost ya for a second there"  
"Me to" I smiled faintly "Sorry to scare you"  
I watched him light a fire in the middle of the tent where a small circle of stones set on the ground where a whole had been cut into the tent. "We use this for cooking purposes usually" he explained as the flames danced to life. I crawled over to it and absorbed the warmth into my freezing skin. He sat down beside me once again.  
We sat there talking about nothing in general it was nice, laughing freely, smiling, and just enjoying each other's company. Topics changed faster than I could think, from things we liked to things we hated to friends and family…though the only family I mentioned was Meyrin and Finny and occasionally Bard. "This idiot" joker started trying to hold back excessive laughter "this idiot man provoked the tiger to bite him and then had the nerve to look up Beast's skirt, Dagger flipped shit!" he cracked up "he was throwing knives in every direction. About knocked the tent over. He cared more then she did"  
I started laughing and said "That is nothing! Bard's dumbass tries to cook with military weapons, last weak he about blew the whole west wing of the manor up with that damned flame thrower and when the young master saw it" I broke out laughing so hard my side hurt "Bard tried to blame it on Pluto, the dog" my head fell on Joker's shoulder.  
"The dog?" He questioned laughing.  
"mhm. He breathes fire" I yawned the words out as my eye lids grew heavier by the second.  
"Your dog breathes fire?" He asked sounding bewildered.  
"Mhm he's a hellhound" I hummed as I fell asleep.


	3. Temporary goodbyes are the worst kind

My silver eyes slowly opened, my head rested on Joker's chest one of his arms draped around my slender waist. Once the fog in my mind cleared I jolted up, feeling my cheeks go red. The sun was fairly high in the sky and as I gathered my damp boots into my arms I felt my breath hitch. I needed to hurry up and get back to the manor. I laced my boots up and made my way out of the tent quietly, trying not to wake anyone.  
"Who the hell are you?" the voice was female. She was tall and had flawless skin and ruby red lips. "A friend of Jokers" I said calmly before turning my back to run out of the small camp. I could only imagine the lecture I was about to receive from Sebastian. As soon as I walked through the doors I was greeted by Meyrin, who happily threw her arms around me "Oh gosh!"  
Bard looked practically sinister "Hecate Grey!" he snapped. Even after nearly 4 years of it, it was truly weird to be called by 'Grey' most Englishmen did not bother to pronounce my Russian last name, _Fedorov_, and eventually it was 'Grey' simple. I turned to look into his blue eyes "I'm sure you were worried, I'm fine"  
"Good god!" her voice made the three of us jump.  
"Oh no" Meyrin and I exclaimed in utter irritation. Strong, slender arms draped around my wait "My dear girl, what are you wearing?" Nina Hopkins hissed at my ear. I sighed "I fell through some ice, my dress was soaked. My friend lent this to me" it was my way of explain it to Meyrin and Bard as well. Nina cupped my face in her hands "Thank god, you weren't hurt" the only reason she cared was because I was a girl, she was just an undying feminist.  
"I have told you merchants to enter through the back door, god only knows how many times" Sebastian scowled from where he stood on the stairwell "Hecate, you are back?" he walked down the steps and pulled the glove off of his left hand with his teeth, placing his palm on my forehead. His red eyes searched my silver ones "Your running a fever, go have a bath"  
"But I-"  
"Go. You are no good to anyone if you are sick. Not to mention it is a risk of getting everyone around you sick. Bath, now" I knew there was no arguing with Sebastian and though I would usually challenge him and fumbled my way down the hall.  
The hot water felt wonderful, like a heaven against my freezing skin. Though I was only cold from the walk back to the manor. I had been plenty warm sitting by the fire with Joker. I soaked my long black hair and tipped my head back. I would half to apologize for running off like I did this morning, Joker saved my life last night I at least owe him that. My silver eyes closed, my body relaxed.  
The door creaked open and I moved to cover myself "It's only me" Sebastian said quietly, sitting down on the ledge of the tub. He wore his black vest and white button down shirt, the sleeves were rolled up to his elbows.  
"You don't need to baby me, I can handle myself"  
He chuckled "I know, still the young master asks that I take care of you because he is quite fond of you, Hecate. To be honest, I'm quite fond of you as well" he said in a gentlemen like voice. He was always stoic. It cracked me up when I made his jaw drop or when something I said made his eyes go wide. It was something only I could do. He ran his fingers through my hair and lathered it with soap "Will you be going tonight?" he asked as he massaged his fingers into my scalp.  
For most something like this would feel a little to intimate, to the point of being uncomfortable. Intimacy means little to nothing to me. Somewhere a long time ago I would have hated this, would have wanted only one man to see my body, to touch me…but after awhile life changes, fate is unfortunate and you don't turn up like you think you would. As soon as he was finished I allowed him to dress me in a second maid uniform "There, now you look more like yourself" Sebastian and the young master were the only ones who knew about my past and sometimes Sebastian would try to council me on it.  
"Myself?" I questioned.  
"You look a little less like the starved child I rescued from that basement" he said with a smirk.  
I shrugged and pushed the bathroom door open. Half way down the hall, Bard caught me in a strong embrace "I was so worried about ya" he growled into my hair. I placed my hands on his chest and backed him up "thank you, for your concern" I uttered out politely and turned to walk down the hall and clean up the living area.

Around nine-o-clock I left to go meet up with Joker. Just like last night I waited behind the circus tent, seated on a wooden crate. "Hey, didn't think I'd see ya again. Ya ran off this morning"  
"Sorry, I just had to get home" I stated bluntly. I wasn't good at apologies either. He smiled softly and took a seat beside me "Well I'm glad ya came back, I enjoy our conversations"  
I nodded "Me to"  
"What is the topic of conversation tonight?" he asked giving me a curious look.  
"Huh? Oh….Ummm….your childhood" I blurted out, hoping for some answers.  
"I'm a little weird about that subject, ye will have to forgive me, I'll be vague"  
"I can understand not wanting to talk about the subject. The past is grim for some of us" I smiled at him, understanding. I'd asked that question to damn soon. I didn't like talking about my childhood either. Its most certainly not something I'd tell a random girl id just met two days ago.  
"I'll tell ye a little bit about myself" he said with a friendly smile.  
"I promise to listen" I said softly folding my hands in my lap.  
"I was an orphan, lived in an orphanage for a short while and then eventually….the streets of London became my home. It was hard….to survive…I only had one arm…so even steeling wasn't easy." His tone was sullen like his face. I felt a twinge of emotion tugging at my heart at seeing such a sullen look on his face. He was the ring leader….a smile was made for those lips….a smile should forever grace them.  
"I met up with some other orphans…we all had some pretty fucked up shit goin on…some of us deformed…others without a limb or two…some to big…others sick. We all had at least one thing in common other than being orphans. Nobody wanted us."  
Without realizing it I placed my pale hand over his prosthetic hand. He looked over at me and met my eyes "don't ye go feelin sorry for me, I can tell ye had a rough life too"  
My heart did a flip "no, I've had it plenty easy. I'm a house maid; my master treats me very well"  
"Ye can't hide your scars; I see them in thy eyes. Ye have had a very hard life" he brushed my cheek with his finger tips "ye have been scorned, humiliated, and broken many a time." He trailed his finger tips down until his hand rested on my heart "yes, broken many a time" he whispered.  
I felt his warm breath on my lips "J...Joker, your…your to close"  
"Forgive me" he backed up and drew his hand away from my racing heart.  
"I…I should be going" I whispered looking at my hands in my lap, this time I was leaving because I was blushing and for the first time in a while, uncomfortable.  
"Can I see ye again?"  
"Would you like that?" I asked shyly.  
"I would" he nodded with a sincere smile.  
"Then yes" and with that I stood and walked away. Again I didn't look back. There would come a night when the goodbye wouldn't be temporary and id never see him again. Temporary goodbyes are the worst kind anyway.


	4. Trying to understand you

**Ch4- trying to understand you**  
"So you see, The picture you found Young master, was of the orphans. Their basically the first string" I said as I served him tea.  
"I figured as much." he sipped at the cup daintily.  
"Yeah, also the ring leader...he's really observant so be careful"  
"I've noticed" he mumbled giving off an irritated look. He and Sebastian had been investigating as well, just not the same way i was. They'd actually gone as far as to join the circus. Master Ciel had come home to stay just yesterday. The door closed behind me with a soft click and the tea cups and containers of sugar rattled as i stumbled down the hall with the silver trey in my shaking hands.  
"Oh my" I sat the trey down and ran toward Meyrin who was on all fours, soaked to the bone on the tile floor. "What happened?" I asked falling to my knees at her side. Meyrin was one of my dearest friends and I loved her to pieces but my gosh she's so clumsy sometimes.  
"Flooded the bathroom again, yes I did" she mumbled looking a bit defeated.  
I laughed "com'on I'll help ya clean up before Sebastian scolds us both"  
The bathroom really was flooded i didn't mind helping her clean up. By the time we were down, both our stockings were soaked and our pale hands raw. "Looks much better, yes it dose" Meyrin smiled at me. I nodded in agreement. "Wanna take a bath?" she asked a bit timidly.  
"Huh?"  
"Well I mean were both a mess" she blushed looking at her feet as if she'd said something wrong. I laughed and smiled at her "I know what you meant silly" I turned her around and unlaced the back of her apron and unbuttoned the back of her uniform; her dress fell around her flawless pale shoulders. she stepped out of it, and slipped off her stockings then her guarder. I turned and placed my hands against the wall so she could help me undress.  
The tub water was hot and felt amazing, I sat in the back and spread my legs so Meyrin could sit in between them. She let out a sigh as I ran my wet fingers through her red hair, wetting it down. My hands were raw and the hot water stung a bit but soon felt good.  
A swish sound filled the air as I picked up a soapy rag and ran it up her cream colored thigh. she laid back and rested her head on my naked breast. This wasn't new to either of us. Not new or awkward either. Meyrin was my best friend and we did nearly everything together. Granted it'd be a little while since we'd taken a bath together.  
She made a soft whimpering sound when I moved the rag over her breasts. Her pale cheeks turned a dusty pink and I giggled "embarrassed?" I teased.  
"N...not really" she turned her head to the side and I finished washing her naked body. She shifted and I turned so I was on top of her, the water made a swishing noise when we moved. A creaking sound made my body jolt, my hand slipped giving way to my weight, my lips collided with Meyrin's. The door was open, Baldroy stumbled in scratching the back of his head "eh Meyrin, you done clea-" he froze when he opened his blue eyes "oh...my" we simply stared at him not really moving at all.  
I'd only gotten on top of her so I could get in front of her and she could wash my back, I'd had no intention of kissing her…but for now we'd let him have his little fantasies. Blood spilled from the blond's nose and blush covered his cheeks "You guys..."  
"It's not like that" I mumbled.  
"Explain it!" he said in a demanding tone.  
"Leave or I'll tell Sebastian you were peeping again" I shot him a slight glare and he closed the door behind him. Neither Meyrin or I made a big deal of the kiss. It was an accident, she knew that so we would eventually laugh about it, was my best guess.  
I fixed my hair, this time leaving it down so the black volumized curls rested against my back and shoulders. Again I left the household in my maid outfit. "Good luck" Sebastian smirked as I walked out the door.  
I waited for Joker outside the tent like I had the past couple nights before this one. "There ya are" he smiled, that smile that I've become almost attached to.  
"I said I'd come back again" I offered him a sweet smile.  
"Your master truly is a lucky one, E is"  
"What?" I asked bewildered.  
"Such a pretty maiden, I'm sure e's all over ye" he gave a smirk.  
"Umm...no...He's 12" I laughed shifting my legs.  
"Oh my" he laughed and sat down beside me on the crate.  
"Do you...wanna go for a walk?" I gave him a questioning look.  
He thought for a short moment "sounds nice"  
I grabbed his hand and started to pull him away from the circus. "Ye have a breath taking smile" he said quietly as he walked by my side. I had no idea where we were.  
"Thank you" I said as a faint blush dusted my cheeks.  
"So, ye know my story, tell me yours" he said with a slight bounce in his step.  
"I already told you, there is no story, I'm a house maid. My master treats me well, in fact the entire house hold is pretty loving" I said thinking for a moment "yeah, they are all very loving"  
"How about before all of that" he muttered as his eyes shifted toward the star filled night sky. My silvery eyes shifted toward his pale face. Why was he questioning me? No...He wasn't...he was trying to get to know me. I'm the one asking all the questions for information.  
"I...lived with my father. He had a few problems" I whispered a little shakily. I didn't have to tell him anything. I had no reason to.  
"What kind of problems" he stopped walking and looked at me.  
"Just little problems...he drank a lot after my mom died." I looked down as I spoke.  
He picked my head up, placing a hand on either side of my pale face; my silver eyes widened "why do ya keep jumping around this subject? Don't ya trust me, Hecate?"  
"T...Too close...Joker" I breathed.  
"Look me in the eyes, Hecate" he said in a tone that was unusually serious for him.  
Hesitantly I met his eyes with my own "wh..what?"  
"I can tell it's an issue for ye, but I'm asking ye to let me in"  
I could feel his hot breath against my pale quivering lips "I don't...even know you" I whispered, my voice nearly cracking.  
"I feel different then that" he said quietly.  
"Really? And exactly how do you feel?"  
"I see the suffering behind your eyes, I feel like I've known and protected ye a lifetime"  
"W...well I met you three nights ago, most certainly hasn't been a lifetime" I backed up and a cold stare filled my eyes "I don't know anything at all about you and you sure as hell don't know me!" I raised my voice louder then I meant to "You say you feel that you have protected me a life time? WHEN I NEEDED A HERO NOBODY EVER CAME AND SAVED ME! NOT ONCE!" I felt my body tremble violently as tears formed in my silver eyes.

"So ye will chastise me for not knowing what ye refuse to tell me?" he growled, his face grew sullen and his eyes grew dark. I felt his hand grip my wrist and he pulled me against his chest "we've all seen things, done things we regret, cried, and bled. We all bleed Hecate; bleed the same colors just in different ways"  
I buried my face into his shirt and for the first time in years I let someone hold me when I cried. My hands gripped the back of his shirt in hand fulls as I sobbed against him. His large pale hands stroked my black hair softly, calming my shaken body.  
I tipped my head up to look at him with puffy silver eyes. "Ye are beautiful" he stroked my cheek with his hand gently.  
I shook my head."But ye are, such soft black curls" he ran his fingers through my hair "beautiful unique silver eyes"  
I cut him off and sniffled trying to stop my tears "my eyes are a birth defect, it's a deformity"  
"No, this" he held out his prosthetic hand for me to see "this is a deformity, ye are perfect"  
I lifted his wooden hand with my own pale hands and gingerly kissed each brittle finger tip. I looked up at him again "ye are the single strangest maiden I have ever met"  
I wiped my eyes on my sleeve "It's getting late, I...should be going"  
He simply gave a sad smile "Can I see ye again?"  
I nodded "tomorrow night"

I left him again. Like I had those nights before. Sebastian greeted me at the door "You certainly returned late, what kept you"  
"I'll report to the master in the morning" I said with a quiet yawn.


	5. Bullet for my captivated heart

_**Thank you for reading this far, I appreciate it.**_

_****_ **Ch5- Bullet for my captivated heart**

My head rested against the cool glass of a large window in one of the back corridors of the estate. An uneasy feeling had set on me when I returned home last night, I haven't felt like moving ever since. Outside the morning was cold and snow blanketed the once green grass turning everything in its wake a blinding white. Finny, Meyrin and Baldroy were outside engaging in a pretty brutal snowball fight.  
Part of me wanted to go join them, the other part...the part that weighed heavy on my heart said I should just sit still, the way I had been all morning. "Why are you not having fun with them?" Sebastian asked bluntly from behind me.  
"Don't feel like it right now, I guess" I said quietly.  
I felt his large hands on my shoulders "Perhaps you should stop gathering information on the ring leader, it's messing with your pretty little head, and that Hecate, is my job" in the glass I saw the reflection of his demonic smirk. So, he was enjoying my pain.  
"I can handle it" I said unmoving.  
"Can you?"  
"Yes" I said finally.

"Have you talked with the young master yet?" he asked.  
I shook my head "I'll do that now" I moved myself a bit shakily off the window ceil and sauntered down the hallway. Ciel's study wasn't too far down that corridor so I pushed the mahogany door open and laid my hand down on the door frame for support.

"I was a little disappointed when I didn't get a report out of you last night" The small dark haired boy said looking up from the paper work on his desk.  
"Sorry, master Ciel...I got home a bit late" I said looking at my feet.  
"Did you gain any useful information?"  
I hesitantly shook my head "Nothing new..."  
He only gave a slightly irritated scowl and said "your dismissed"  
I left the door way, the door clicked shut behind me. I leaned my back against the door and felt the tears threatening to sting my silver eyes. I'd been so week these past few days. Captivated by his smile...by his voice...by his eyes...just captivated by Joker. For me the feeling was like being strangled, I was not easily captivated.

Night set in on the estate throwing the day into blackness. I sat quietly in the Library, on the couch reading. I learned how to read when I was younger. Until I came to London I really didn't realize what a rarity it was. Most women in Russia were unable to read, but in London most people without money can't read. I'd been reading a book of Edgar Allen Poe's short stories for the past hour now. Beside me on the nightstand sat Romeo and Juliet, which I'd read before I started Poe.  
"Hecate!" Finny screamed from up the steps.  
"Finny?"  
"Come quickly!"  
"I'm coming" I dropped the book and ran up the steps as fast as I could.  
"Oh...My...God..." I felt my body shake when I saw a slender form lying in a puddle of blood on the floor. It was...a blond  
From the first string of the circus. Dagger...was his stage name. _Where's Joker? _Was the first thing that popped into my head. Finny grabbed my hand and led me down the steps at a fast pace "where is everyone"  
"Master Ciel and Mr. Sebastian went to go find the warehouse and missing children. Were under attack" his voice was full of panic. I heard Meyrin's gun go off followed by one of Baldroy's old military weapons. "The clean up after this is gonna be more a hell then the fight" I groaned. I turned to run toward the kitchen "BARD!" A small figure was hunched over in a corner "Who…" I stared at him for a long time as he wept into his hands. His face lifted from his hands and he stared at me through grey eyes that no longer saw anything "Oh my god" I felt to my knees cradling her small face in her hands "They called you freckle face didn't they?" He nodded and said "I..I can't see anything"  
"HECATE GET BACK" Bard tried to warn me but it was a little late. An abrupt sting gripped my ankle and dragged me backwards "Bard go help them! I can handle myself" Baldroy stood there for a minute then turned and ran out the front door to go help Finny. I turned over on my back and shook my leg free of the beast tamers whip.  
"Hello Hecate, I'm Beast. I don't believe we've properly met" she was beautiful, pale with ruby red lips and black curly Hair. Her eyes were brown and her lashes thick and long, still those pretty eyes bared nothing but pure disgust for me.  
I quickly got to my feet and said "I don't want to fight any of you"  
"You're the same as the two of them, you horrible slut!" she screamed.  
"What?" I scoffed.  
"Smile and black, they came to hurt us and your just the same. Joker saw something in you that wasn't there"  
"Beast I'd never hurt any of you"  
She cracked her whip at my arm and blood seeped through the sleeve of my uniform. I couldn't fight back, hurting not when hurting her meant hurting Joker. I placed my hand over the bloody lash mark on my arm and held back the urge beat the hell out of her.  
I backed up dodging her next attempt to whip me. "You gonna fight back or just stand there! I DONT KNOW WHAT HE SEE'S IN YOU! YOUR WEAK!"  
"Oh my...Beast your in love with him...aren't you?" I stated quietly.  
"Go to hell bitch you don't know shit about me!" She raised her arm to bring the whip down again. I braced myself for the blow, it never came.  
"Beast!" a voice I'd come to know all too well resounded from down the hallway.  
"Joker" she called in response as he rounded the corner and rested a hand on her shoulder.  
"Brother Joker" freckles whimpered from his corner.  
"Oh my god" Joker pulled the smaller boy into his arms "Look at me"  
"I..I can't see" the child cried "My eyes hurt"  
"That bastered chef poured acid in her eyes!" Beast hissed. I couldn't believe Bard could do something so cruel…however he was always a little crazy.  
"Hecate...why are ye...ye work here" Joker's voice broke through my daze.  
I chewed on my lower lip "Joker...I"  
"Joker, you're not supposed to be here you should be at the warehouse" Beast interjected.  
"Hecate..." his voice was sullen, his eyes dark. I just looked away "Joker I'm sorry"  
"I trusted ye"  
"Joker I'd never..."  
"Ye did hurt us, no matter what ye say!"  
"Joker" My voice was sad, cracking with sobs that were begging to break from my body.  
The sound of a gun cocking made my eyes go wide. Joker threw freckles behind him. Subconsciously my body moved in front of Jokers. The last thing I heard, before my world went back was a gunshot.

My silver eyes slowly opened. The vibrant glow of a candle emanated from all around me, so I guess there were quite a few candles lit. A crisp cream colored sheet covered my naked body, where I laid on a mattress that was placed on the floor of a tent. "Ye are awake?" Joker asked from where he sat on the floor beside me, not looking at me with his hands folded in his lap.  
"Y...yeah" I nodded and winced a bit sitting up. Gauze were wrapped around my breasts where I'd been shot, and also my left arm where Beast had whipped me. My skin was warm, and my black hair was a mess and clung to my pale face.  
"Why'd you save me?" I whispered.  
"Ye saved me" he said plainly.


	6. The nightmare I lived -Graphic-

**Authors note- this chapter is disturbing on a few graphic levels**

Ch6- The nightmare I lived  
He said "how are ye feel'in?"  
"Better" i said quietly.  
"Good, Cause ye have some explaining to do" he said as he turned to face me for the first time.  
"I...I'll answer any question you ask" I said looking at my hands in my lap.  
"what happened in your childhood, what were you not telling me" somehow I knew that would be the first thing he asked.

I let out a quiet sigh and said "When i was 8"  
_Flashback_

_"Mommy whats wrong" I ran to her bedside with a water bucket that was the size of my tiny torso, a rag splashed around and I stumbled and water spilled over the sides of the big blue bucket. _  
_"I'm alright dear" she said a bit meekly, offering me a faint smile. Her skin was pale as ever, her eyes sad and gray rather then the beautiful vibrant blue they typically were. Her long curly midnight black hair was sprawled about the pillow her head rested on. I soaked the rag in my hands and rung it out before placing it on her forehead. _  
_"Are you gonna feel better soon?" i asked a bit pleadingly as i boosted my slender form up onto the bed beside my young mother. _  
_"Well of course baby, you've been taking such good care of me" _  
_I smiled a soft smile "w...when you feel better mommy, will you..." my voice trailed off._  
_"yes?" she asked quietly._  
_"Will you teach me how to read? I really wanna learn"_  
_she laughed, her body shook slightly "Yes, If you wanna learn that badly, plus it'll make me very happy, to hear you read, Hecate"_  
_I leaned over and kissed her forehead through the rag i'd placed on it. "just call for me if you need anything Mom" _  
_she gave a feeble nod and i walked out of the room, quietly closing the door behind me so she could sleep. Dad was in his study, talking with Mr. Ivan, Moms doctor. Quietly i crept up to the door and pressed my ear to it. _

_"How bad is it?" my dad asked a little nervousness lingered in his voice._  
_"It's tuberculosis, without doubt...Your wife wont last another night"_  
_My entire body racked with violent tremors. Mom...would...die..._  
_Tears spilled over my cheeks and i burst through the door "YOUR A LAIR!" i screamed at Mr. Ivan._  
_"Hecate" __the elderly__ doctor whispered out of pure shock. _  
_"YOUR A LAIR! SHES NOT GONNA DIE!" the way my voice sounded, resembled an animal shrieking at the top of its lungs. I stumbled clumsily at him and latched onto his __white coat__ with shaking hands and screamed "LAIR!"_  
_My dads strong hands gripped me and tried to pull me off the doctor, he failed, i held on for life "LAIR! TAKE IT BACK! TAKE IT BACK! SAY SHE'LL LIVE! TAKE IT BACK! LAIR LAIR!" my throat hurt, my head hurt, my body begged me to let go, to stop screaming but i couldn't. _  
_"Hecate, that's enough, you'll disturb your mother" my father scolded finally pulling me into his arms "let her last night be a peaceful night" he hushed me as i sobbed into his neck._  
_"I don't want Mommy to die" I squeaked, snot running down my nose, eyes puffy and red. _  
_"Me either baby, but we don't want her to be in anymore pain" he said sweetly and started to carry me down the hall. When we passed my mothers door, i couldn't help but stare...I'd never see her alive again...my heart died in knowing that. _  
_Dad put me in my twin sized bed and wrapped the blankets around my slender body "You just try to sleep well tonight baby girl, your mother and I love you very much, your our most treasured possession, your pretty as a princess too." he tussled my dark hair with his large pale hand. "Mommy loves you very much, you loved her as best you could but now it's time for her to go. I know it's gonna be hard Hecate, it'll be hard for me to" he kissed my forehead "Just remember she loved you, I love you, and your our little princess"_  
_He stood to leave the room i whispered with tears in my eyes and a slightly horse voice "I love you dad"_  
_"I love you to, princess" he smiled before closing my door and shutting out all the light. I don't remember when i went to sleep that night, just that when i woke up the next morning...my mother didn't wake up with me. _  
_Her skin was white as snow, her cheek bones looked raised and her lips were stone cold, dead...a sickening white...when they were once the color of tiger lilys like her long hair that was once beautiful midnight black was a sad faded color. My mother was beautiful...this broken shell that laid in her place...was not._  
_I stood in the door way...watching my father begin to fall apart, and oh did he fall apart fast..._

_"Princess, I'll just be gone a short while" Dad called from the door way where he stood with a few friends. I sat at the table in the living room messing around with a puzzle. _  
_"Kay" i replied dryly. Mom's funeral had ended just a few hours ago...there wasn't to much else we could do...but go home...and try to occupy ourselves. _  
_Lightning struck and rain beat against the window. Frustrated i flung a book across the room "STUPID!" i yelled. No matter how hard i tried i couldn't figure out the words. I'd try and try until I cried...every time i failed i grew more and more frustrated. The door creaked open. _  
_"Dad?" I stumbled to the door way and looked at the front door from down the hall "daddy?"_

_He was leaning on the door way for support. "Dad are you okay!?" my tone was panicked and i dashed down the hall to his side. He collapsed to the floor in front of me. "daddy" I shook him by the shoulder "Daddy!" his only response was a groan "Daddy!" i tried again, tears forming in my silver eyes. _  
_My small hands latched onto his shirt and i laid my head down on his back "Please be okay" i whispered._  
_That was when it all began. I went to bed every night for months...listening to him throwing up violently...slowly killing himself..._

_"Hey dad" I asked peering at him from the door way of his bedroom "Co..could you stay home today...maybe?"_

_"Why princess? What happens today" he mumbled into his pillow, a slur curved his words and made them almost hard to understand._  
_"Well...it is the anniversary of...well...mom dying...i thought...ya know...w..we could...take some flowers to her grave or something like that"_  
_"Er...Not today, Princess...daddy's not feeling well" he groaned._  
_A surge of irritation filled my vanes and i stormed over to his bedside "YOUR JUST DRUNK!" i yelled. The horrible sound of a SMACK filled the room as my nine year old body hit the ground. _  
_"DONT YOU EVER RAISE YOUR VOICE AT ME AGAIN! IM YOUR FATHER!" his voice was slurred. I sat trembling in place wide eyed with my right hand covering the bruise that now marked my pale cheek. Tears filled my eyes "I'm sorry i asked" I cried and leapt up running out the door and to my room. _  
_The years passed like that, long, horrible, full of tears and numbness...Dad was drunk all the time...slowly sinking farther and farther into dark depression. By the time i was 14 Dad had lost his job "How the hell do you plan to take care of us?" I screamed._  
_His eyes turned cold that day "Forgive me princess"_  
_I gave him a confused look "what?"_  
_"Hey Hecate, Havnt seen ya since you were a baby" My uncle Dmitri smiled walking out of the kitchen. He was my Mom's twin, in his late 30's with moms dark hair and their dad's brown eyes. "what?"_  
_"I'm sorry Hecate, we need the money" My father whispered a final time. My uncle grabbed me by the arm "Stop IT DONT TOUCH ME" i screamed and kicked as he threw me over his shoulder and slipped my Father a 50 dollar bill. _  
_"STOP IT! NO STOP!" I kicked and screamed and beat on his back as he walked down the hallway toward my bedroom "UNCLE DMITRI STOP IT!" he slammed me against my bed._  
_"STOP" i screamed again and forced my legs closed as he crawled on top of me and ran his hand up my thigh "STOP" I trashed around trying to get him off of me. "STOP!" his large hands tore the top of my dress open and my pale breasts spilled out in the open. Tears filled my eyes as he pinned my hands above my head with one of his large hands and he pressed his wet lips to my bare neck "please stop" tears streamed down my creamy white cheeks. _  
_I laid there that night, naked and shaken, blood on my sheets and tear stains on my cheeks. There was no warmth...no hope...nothing to cling to. My door creaked open and i flinched when the light hit my eyes._  
_"Princess?" dad sat down on my bedside, entirely intoxicated. _  
_"what?" my voice cracked._  
_"thanks for helping me out with the money situation" he rested his hand on the side of my cheek and kissed my forehead "thats my good girl" he stood and stumbled drunkenly out of my room. _  
_For awhile Dad's friends...sometimes my uncles...would pay him 50 dollars or more to put their hands on me. It didn't hold out forever, eventually they stopped paying. Dad still need to feed his alcoholic addiction. He found a way to get more money..._  
_"Strong, pale, perfect not a flaw on her body and pretty as a princess" He told the people at the black market auction. I stood behind him...my hands bound in chains. I couldn't believe he was selling me off with the word 'princess' a word that he'd used to show how he'd love and protect me my whole life, simply because i was his daughter. Now he's selling me like an animal. _  
_"I'll give you 7,000 dollars for her" a tall blond man wearing a white suit stood with a smirk across pale lips. My fathers eyes lit up at the mention of so much money. **sold. **_  
_Count Druitt had a beautiful manor, extravagant and huge. "What's wrong my dear?" he asked me as we entered his home._  
_I simply gave him a blank look "Nothing" I whispered._  
_"We cant have you looking like that" he smirked._

_His maids quickly fixed my hair and put me in a corset, and a beautiful white dress. The dress was full of lace and when i looked in the mirror I didn't recognize the girl looking back at me. "Come to bed my sweet princess" My new master called from his chamber. _  
_I sauntered down the hall on numb legs, my body felt lifeless, like a shell that no longer belonged to me. The blond man pulled me into his strong arms and kissed the shell of my ear "welcome home" he whispered. I felt his hands run up my legs, there was no use in fighting...he owned me. _  
_I laid there that night, blank and lifeless, inside me there was nothing, around me, everything was painful and dark...there was no light. There would be many other nights to come...nights just like that one. Nights that would drain the life and soul from my body, until I was worn to the bone and sick to my stomach, and showered with sin. _  
_There was a ball one night a few months later...the Vice Count was out among the guests. I sat in a back room with my knees pulled against my chest, waiting for the auction to start. I could try to run, but what was the point? They'd find me. _  
_"What's your name, miss?" that was the first time I laid eyes on Sebastian Michaels._  
_"What are you doing back here?" i asked picking my head up to look him over. _  
_"Just looking for some information, you look starved"_  
_"I havn't eaten in a few days" i mumbled. _  
_"ah, trying to keep you week so you cant run, that makes sense, still very cruel. You would probably like to get away from here"_  
_"will you kill me?" i looked up at him pleadingly._  
_"I wont be that generous, perhaps i will do you a kindness, how would you like to come work for us?"_  
_"I'm sick of being some creepy old man's pension whore okay" i said in a tired slur. _  
_"Our master is a child, Miss, he wouldn't touch you and we'd only ask you to clean up, in exchange you get food, a warm bed, and you get to stop living this nightmare. _  
_I thought about it for a short moment, anywhere was better then here "that sounds nice" i said quietly. _  
_Flashback over_  
"That's all there is left to tell" i said quietly "I became Master Ciel's maid after that night"  
Joker stared at me with wide lavender eyes "Oh my god Hecate" his strong arms fell around me and he pulled me against his chest "Never, again no one will ever hurt you again" the comfort of his voice brought me to tears.


	7. Letting him love me -Graphic-

Authors Note- this chapter is sexually graphic

Chapter seven- letting him love me  
"Hecate" He said slowly "Just one thing"  
"Yes?" I asked slowly letting my silver eyes rest on his pale face. Joker was pure perfection made up of hard lines and gorgeous sharp features.  
"You know that I care for ye, Don't ye?"  
I bit my lower lip "Y..yeah I think so"  
"Ye know I wouldn't hurt ye, like those other men did" His voice was slow, I must have looked like a scared animal because he kept his tone calm and gently touched my cheek with his finger tips.  
There was a long pause...I needed time to force the answer past my lips. He was asking me if I trusted him and I hadn't truthfully trusted any man since I was 13 years old. Joker wasn't like them and in my heart I knew that. I knew he'd never hurt me...knew he'd never take advantage of me...Joker...who was kind...outgoing...full of electric energy...Joker who loved me unconditionally...and Joker who sat right in front of me waiting for an answer to a simple question and sadly it was an answer I didn't know how to provide.  
I shrank back into my sheets and pulled them around my body like a fort so only my head was exposed "I...I don't know" my voice came out meek like the gentle squeak of a mouse.  
He sighed and pulled his form back so he was no longer leaning toward me or touching me "Ye dont know?"  
I said it again "I don't know" Understand...  
"Have I ever hurt ye?" No you haven't...  
Tears filled my silver eyes and silently one rolled down my cheek "N..no"  
"Was I ever cruel to ye?" Yes..Joker...you are cruel for making me love you...I was supposed to kill you...  
"No!" I sobbed out a bit violently.  
"Then trust me, Hecate"  
"I can't!" I hissed throwing the sheets aside with tears in my eyes "It's hard for me! Dont you get that? It's fucking hard" I screamed as violent sobs continued to wrack my slender form. My hands shook as my fingers clang to the mattress and my chest heaved as labored breaths escaped my paling lips.  
"Am I anything like the men who raped ye?" He snapped, his face hardening.  
I tried not to raise my voice anymore "It's not the same damn thing Joker!"  
His good hand caught my right arm just above my elbow and forced me toward him placing a gentle kiss on my shaking lips "Ye are right, it is different...can ye feel the difference?" He asked looking into my eyes in a way that made me feel like he could see into my soul.  
I stared up at him and felt my cheeks grow warm. My heart raced and beat rapidly against my chest "J..Joker I" I wasn't crying anymore. I didn't feel mad anymore. The world slowed down and my body relaxed. For the first time in nearly 10 years I felt completely alright...happy...yeah...I felt happy.  
"Not all men are the same, trust someone for once in yer life." he caressed my cheek with his hand and kissed my forehead "Let me love ye" his voice was velvet, kind...and it made my cheeks burn with warmth.  
Joker was probably the one thing that could make me weak like this. His touch always made me feel naked...his eyes always made me feel vulnerable and his smile always has me thinking of a million ways to keep that smile on his face.  
He cupped my face in both his hands "Will ye let me love ya?" He asked sweetly, sincerity lingering in his eyes. I bit my lower lip and lifted my hands so they overlapped his on my face, I gave him the only answer I could think to give...the only answer that came to mind and maybe just maybe it was the right answer "I want you to love me, Joker"  
His good arm hooked around my waist and he pulled me against him so I was in his lap, looking into his lavender eyes with my long legs wrapped around his waist. 'Then let me love ye the right way" he attacked my mouth with a sweet kiss.  
I kissed back. for the first time in my life I didn't know if I could hold back my feelings. I felt his hand on my side as he turned my back to the bed. My heart raced and I felt my cheeks go pink. My silver eyes turned to his face "J..Joker I don't think I can do this"  
"Why not, Hecate?" he asked me placing a kiss on my lips, cupping my cheek with his hand. I bit my lower lip and turned my head to the side "I just don't want to mess this up"  
"Mess us up?" he asked me.  
I tilted my head back on the pillows to look at the ceiling of the tent "There was never a time in my life when this led to something good" He took my hand in his good one " then lets change that " he whispered warmly.  
I shivered feeling his warm breath at my ear and took a deep breath "A..alright"  
He looked at me with concern on his eyes " I won't . Not if ye ain't for it"  
I laid my hand against his cheek and watched him fall into it's warmth "I'm all for you" I whispered sincerely.  
He moved against me hesitantly at first and his kisses were warm, loving as he worked his mouth down my neck. I tipped my head to the side , a quiet sound escaped my lips and my arms floated up above my head, fingers shakily clinging to the pillow cases. His mouth was warm, like a fire that aroused my being...Joker made me feel alive with his touch.  
He nipped at my neck lightly and then unbuttoned his shirt revealing his body to me and brought his hand to his heart " it's yer's to keep take care of it" his hand pressed my palm hard against his chest "Please" he whispered leaning a bit closer to my face. I blushed as I assessed the skin he had exposed to me. He was so beautiful. I let my finger tips trial down his chest lightly and traced his muscular stomach with my finger tips "Joker" I said breathlessly attacking his mouth. He kissed back with the same passion and heat I gave and his fingertips tangled in my hair. My hands pulled and tugged until his shirt was somewhere on the floor of the tent. I nibbled at his jaw line running my finger tips down his spine as his hips moved against me. Another quiet noise left my lips. He got a bit of a smirk on his face and striped him self of his pants, tossing them to the floor and he kissed down my neck slipping over my wrapped chest to my stomach leaving nips and hickeys along the way. I threw my head back and a louder moan escaped my lips as I trust my hips upward into his mouth "J..Joker" my voice came out breathy and vague.

He kissed my lips sweetly and wrapped his arms tightly around my waist "Are ye ready?" I nodded. "Are ye sure?" I'd never been more sure of anything in my life...I loved Joker...wanted Joker...A sharp pain filled my body when he slipped inside of me. He made me feel full. I pulled on his hair bringing his warm lips back down on mine, thrusting my hips to tell him it was okay to move.  
My nails dug into his back and I bit my lower lip suppressing the want to scream out his name. Out the corner of my eye I could have swore I saw a shadow outside the tent. My head turned to the side and tears formed in my eyes as I stared at the flame dancing atop the candle that sat nearest to the mattress "Hecate?" Joker's voice made me look back up at him "Why are ye crying?" he asked kissing away my tears.  
I gave him a half smile "I'm crying because I'm happy" I said gently, letting my finger tips brush his cheek "I'm crying because I'm overwhelmed with so much emotion...I've never felt so loved before in my entire life" I smiled at him sincerely meaning every word.  
He smiled a heartwarming smile and placed kisses all over my face holding me close. "I love ye" He whispered at my ear...three words...simple words that made my heart do flips "I love you to" I smiled returning his sweet kisses.  
I'll try my best to love you right Joker...but someone like me...with a heart like mine is incapable of loving the way you do...Your love is like a fire...something that grows more and more everyday...your heart stayed whole because you were strong, love...  
My heart was left in pieces a long time ago...I wasn't strong...I don't know how to love...I'm not really sure what it is...but for you...love...I'll try my damndest to do it right. 


	8. A little more about Joker

My silver eyes fluttered open the next morning. Joker lay fast asleep beneath my slender form. His good arm was hooked around my waist and the other tucked somewhere under the pillow. I giggled a bit looking at his sleeping face. Joker had his adorable moments, Jaw slightly slack and eyes closed peacefully as he muttered fragments of words and sentences in his sleep.  
Slowly I got up from the mattress and scoped out the room for my maid uniform "It's gotta be somewhere" I muttered to myself quietly. Unable to find it I grabbed Joker's white shirt and pulled the sleeves up over my arms. My fingers worked the buttons and left the top 3 undone. His shirt was kind of big on me, the hem was just a bit past my mid thigh and all together it fit me kind of like a night shirt or dress.  
My hair was a matted mess but I found it really didn't matter. Outside the air was a bit cold and no one seemed to have left their tent yet. "I really hope you know the risk were all taking by having you here" Beast hissed as she approached me...an ugly look twisted her beautiful features.  
I stared at her "Huh?"  
"The risk were all fucking taking...Fathers going to be furious! I hope you fucking know that you cheap ass slut"  
"I..I'm not a sl-"  
"Oh? your not?" She hissed with a poisonous tone.  
"No Beast, I'm not" I said firmly.  
"Oh I'm sorry for easing dropping but last time I checked being a sex slave for 2 years makes you a damn whore"  
"You really shouldn't listen in on other peoples conversations" I said a bit shakily curling my hands into fists at my sides "You had no right to listen to any of that" I did my best not to raise my voice but I was pissed.  
I studied her where she stood. Her form was shaken and her face was anxious "Beast why are you even talking to me right now"  
"I don't want you around him!" She cried. Again her body wracked violently. Tears filled her pretty brown eyes and I remembered the shadow outside the tent last night...  
"Beast" I said breathlessly "Your in love with him...aren't you?"  
"No!" She sneered "He's my brother that'd be disgusting" I felt a large hand on my shoulder and turned to see a white haired man with scaly skin. His green eyes were slightly blank as he said "Beast, I think you should go back to your tent, _says Lucy" _  
Beast sneered at the two of us and turned her back to leave. I turned my attention back on the man who had sent her away "Um Hello..."  
"You must be Hecate, _says Oscar" _  
"Oscar? Lucy?" I asked not fully understanding.  
"My snakes" He explained quietly. I came to the realization that he was the snake charmer and nodded. "Snake" I said remembering hearing his stage name the night I met Joker for the first time. He nodded in response "Try not to upset Beast anymore" He said calmly.  
I sighed "I'm not sure how I did it...I didn't know how she felt"  
"I know" He answered without really looking at me. He gave off a shy kind of vibe. A snake slithered out of his left shoe and onto the icy ground. I scooped the little ball python up in my hands and let in work its way around my fingers.  
Snake watched me looking a little surprised "She doesn't scare you?"  
"huh?" I asked bluntly "Oh no. She's beautiful." I said as the snake worked its way up my arm.  
"Most people even my brothers and sisters here, are at least a little freaked out by them...that's different" He said studying me with his green eyes.  
"I should probably get back to the medical tent" I said handing his snake back to him. He took it and turned his back to me. I made my way back to the medical tent. My body came to a full halt when the sound of voices coming from inside the tent met my ears.

"Will ye just give it up already" Joker growled sounding irritated.  
"Honestly! You dont even know the girl Joker, You can't just bring her here" Beasts now familiar voice was clear.  
"For the last damn time Sis, I do know her and if she was willing to take a bullet for me I think she's pretty trust worthy. She's just lost like we used to be. Now that's enough, get ye gone" he groaned.  
"Your to see Father about her later"  
"I will" was his only reply.  
"Kay, good luck" She muttered walking out of the tent.  
Her brown eyed glare met my silver eyes "Now who's ease dropping" She sneered and shoved past me.  
Joker was sitting up on the mattress with the sheets pooling around his waist "That's where my shirt ran off to" He chuckled as I walked into the tent.  
"Who's father...?" I asked a bit quietly at first.  
"Huh?"  
"I've heard that word twice now this morning...you know everything about me Joker...it isn't fair that I don't know the truth about you"  
He gave me a grim look and held out his hand for mine "Come'er...and I'll tell ye everything" I took his hand and he pulled me to the bed so that I was sitting beside him.  
"Father is a lunatic named Baron Kelvin...he found and fixed us...and promised to fund and protect the Renbon orphanage where my brothers and sisters are if I did as he asked...so...I did and still do" He said starting to look a little uncomfortable.  
I remembered what we were investigating the circus for "You've been kidnaping children" I whispered.  
"Hecate I hate it" He caught my arm to keep a grip on me as if he were afraid I'd run off.  
"Then why do you do it?" I said still a little shocked at it being true.  
"To protect what I care about" He said forcing me to look at him "Can't ye see that I have no choice"  
"Joker you always have a choice" I said looking away from him "A bad thing done for a good cause dosnt make it good" I said slowly.  
"I know" was all he said "I just...want to help them"  
"Joker..."  
"Do ye hate me?" He asked with anxious lavender eyes.  
I shook my head "I could never hate you" I placed a kiss on his forehead.  
_Am I doing this right? Love is supposed to be unconditional isn't it? I still love him no matter what...Joker...I'm confused...I'm scared but I don't want to run away...maybe it's because if I run I'll be away from you..._


	9. Scorned

**_Chapter Nine- Hell hath no Fury like fire in a woman's scorn _**  
"Joker" I sighed looking at him with both sympathy and concern in my silver eyes "You can't keep doing this" my pale hand covered his and he looked at me for a long moment. As his purple eyes turned back to the floor of the tent he said "I can't" _You can, you have a choice._  
"Why not? I know you want to protect them but Joker your killing others to protect them. Those children have a right to live, to be safe, to grow up" I forced him to look at me "Your taking them away from their loved ones...friends….how would you feel if you lost Beast? Doll? Peter? Any of them?" He didn't seem to be listening to a single word I was saying...He seemed dazed...maybe he just didn't want to hear it. He probably was tired of hearing it seeing as we'd been having this argument all day.  
I bit my lower lip "Joker you have to know something about Renbon-" he cut me off and growled in my face "No! Ye have to know something about me, I love those children and I love my family...I'll protect my family and their ain't a thing ye can say to change that!" He backed up pulling on his clothing and a hooded cloak. I panicked and rushed my arms around his waist "Where are you going?" I asked against his back.  
"To visit Father" his tone was a bit dark. I chewed on my lip and whispered "Please come back soon"  
Joker muttered "Tis a three day trip. I'll be back early on the third day. Till then Please stay safe" He turned and touched my face, the look in his eyes said _Forgive me for snapping at ye..._I kissed his lips sweetly to say _I forgive you..._

He offered me a gentle smile and just like that he left. With a quiet sigh I laid down on the mattress in the medical tent and snuggled into the warmth of the sheets...they smelled like Joker...like vanilla and a fall breeze... it was comforting. A tiny figure appeared in the door way of the tent. "Umm Miss?" asked the little boy meekly.  
I propped myself up on my elbow "Come on in" He was a short boy with a freckle dotted face. "C..Could I sleep here with you tonight...I don't like to sleep alone"  
I gave him a light smile "Wanna know something funny? Neither do I"  
The boy smiled and climbed into bed with me. I blushed out of embarrassment when he wrapped his arms around me and I felt a firm pair of breasts against my stomach...I guess he was a she...I let my arm drape around her and I closed my silver eyes.  
Red eyes glistened in the full moon light and his gloved hand brushed my cheek "You can't hide forever, Hecate"  
I stared up at him with wide silver eyes "Stay away from me!" I backed away from him. I found myself stumbling backwards in a long white dress that hugged my torso and hung lose at my waist. My slender form hit the hard grassy ground as it turned to stone and the night sky turned red like blood. Sebastian held out his hand for me "I will have your soul...Hecate."  
"You can't hide from us forever Hecate" Sebastian gave me one of his usual demonic smirks.

"NO!" I screamed forcing myself to stand on shaking legs as I broke out into a full sprint. Sebastian caught me by the wrist effortlessly.  
"He's in danger" was all he said.  
"What?" I gasped.  
"Your ring master, Hecate, I'll be sure to tell him you said hi"  
"Go away" I screamed forcing him off of me. I again broke out into a full sprint. "Ahha!" I fell forward as my right leg fell from my body in one bloody tear. "Did you think you could run away from me? From this house?" Sebastian's voice wasn't far behind.  
I laid there on the ground bleeding out onto the rocky soil. "You belong to us" I shot up out of bed panting and clutching the sheets. "Hecate?" the young girl who'd climbed into my bed last night asked looking up at me from where she laid at my side. "Yes?"  
"Did you have a nightmare?"  
"Yeah" I said softly still trying to catch my breath.  
"Don't worry about brother Joker. Sometimes he likes to disappear but he always comes back" she said with a reassuring smile. I nodded "Thanks, your Doll right?"  
She nodded. I ran my fingers through her hair and smiled at her warmly "I see why you were given that name"  
She blushed and smiled back at me sweetly "Thanks, brother Joker gave us our names. In fact he's kind of everything to all of us...Brother Joker is kind of like our saving grace"  
I nodded "Yeah? He must be some kind of angel then cause he saved me too"  
"Hecate!" Beast called from outside the tent. I sighed "and here comes trouble...yes?"  
"I need your help today so come'er" She poked her head inside the tent with a sweet smile. I chewed on my lower lip _Somethings wrong here...I'm just not sure of what._"Coming" I stood up and walked out of the tent. "What do you need, Beast?"

"Come with me, I need your help with the show" She tugged me toward her tent.  
"Um Beast...I'm not an animal tamer"  
"Oh I know but they are tame and I need an assistant for the show. I'm not gonna ask you to handle em or nothing. That'd be dangerous" Once inside her tent she handed me a black leather outfit "Put this on"  
I looked at the leather in my hands and said "Why can't Doll or Wendy help you?"  
"They have their own show to do. Everyone around here works sept you"  
"I.."  
"No wait, it's not that you don't do anything you spend all your time fucking Joker" she rolled her eyes at me.  
"Beast!" I snapped "Thats a dirty thing to go around saying"  
"Oh please everybody knows it" She muttered "I mean really you think we can't hear? Its a damn tent not a master bedroom"  
I blushed feeling a little over exposed as I stepped into the short leather form fitting dress she'd given me. "Put your hair up, wouldn't want that getting snagged on anything now would we" She said as she finished dressing herself.

The crowd was pretty big and all of them were excited when Beast stepped out onto the stage, I followed and stood at her side. "This is my assistant for the day, please be nice to her  
she's new and won't be here long" She said with a sweet smile "She's just passing through" I stood their quietly and tried not to look irritated with her.  
Beast turned to face the full grown tigress in her cage "Betty" She cracked her whip as the cage door swung open and the Betty walked out onto the stage. "Now I will attempt to tame the beast" Beast smirked.  
My eyes widend as Betty began stalking in my direction "Beast!" I yelled "Why is she eyeing me like that?" My voice almost broke becoming anxious as Betty backed me into the tent wall. I jumped over the animal as she batted at me with her large paw and missed by just an inch. Landing with a loud THUD on my side I rolled across the stage floor. A soft grunt escaped my pale lips "Uhh"  
"Beast! Control the damn thing!" I hissed at her as she crossed her arms and dropped the whip on the floor of the stage. The audience seemed to not realize that this wasn't part of the act. As I stood on shaking legs as Betty's claws tore through my back and I fell to my knees wincing. One motion of her paw sent me rolling across the stage again. I forced myself to stand up. Betty charged at me and I managed to move to the side and dodge her attack only to be pounced from the side. Sharp teeth tore into my shoulder and I screamed at the top of my lungs. I pulled my knees against my chest and buried my face into my hands. The horrid sound of my skin being torn open and the ear piercing screams that escaped my lips were all that could be heard throughout the entire tent. When Betty moved to bat at me again I rolled out front under her and forced myself to run toward Beast. In one swift movement I grabbed the whip where it lay at Beast's feet and turned around cracking it at Betty who hesitated and backed up.  
"Betty get back" I hissed cracking the whip again feeling the blood run down my back as the wounds began to sting and swell. Two more cracks of the whip and she was back in her cage. I looked at a very shocked Beast over my shoulder.  
"You..." She trembled and her eyes centered.  
"I'm not even surprised at you" I panted heavily throwing the whip in her direction, giving it back to her "Your one of the most predictable petty people I've ever met" I said through labored breaths "Your a beautiful woman Beast, stop being so damn insecure" I turned and stumbled out the exit.  
"Your so grown up, I could cry looking at the woman you've become, Ms. Fedorv" his voice was velvet and rolled off his tongue beautifully. My heart almost stopped "Wh..who" A strong hand gripped my wrist and pulled my arm around his neck as he scooped me up bridal style "I've missed you, I have to wonder if you even think of me, Hecate" his green eyes saw right into my soul and I couldn't help but tremble as I whispered his name "Vic…"  
"So you do remember me" his voice was sweet and I stared up at him with wide eyes "I read in a paper that you died…in a fire…Vic.." I couldn't believe what I was seeing, he was all grown up, beautiful, pale, emerald eyes with light hair that fell in his eyes and a smile complimented with perfect white teeth.  
"I did, Mon amour." He said softly "You've been hanging around demons don't act like you've never seen a dead man walking"  
"You're an angel" my voice was hardly audible. He nodded with a smile "Your bleeding everywhere, so many scars, God damn it girl"  
The next voice was Dolls, frantic, and worried "Are you alright? I've never seen Betty act so terrible...Beast didn't even try to help you! Hecate are you okay?" She cried latching onto my hand. Her eyes widened when she noticed Vic "Who is this?"  
"My name is Victor du Montesour" He smiled sweetly at Doll, whom I was pretty sure he knew was a girl by the way she cried out my name. I bit my lower lip as I understood the look on her face "He's a friend from my childhood" Vic was the man I was supposed to marry and my best friend. He was always protecting me….always coming to my rescue…  
Doll then shook her head "Are you alright?" I smiled down at her feeling an amount of blood ran down the side of my face "I'll be fine"  
"Vic put me down, I wanna walk" I muttered and slowly he let me down, making sure I was standing properly before letting me stand on my own. The two of them began walking with me toward the medical tent. I felt my legs fall from under me and my vision blurred a bit as I hit the ground. Vic caught me before I fell, he held me against his chest and stared down at me through a curtain of long lashes. Doll knelt down beside me "Hecate?" She asked shaking me by the shoulder.  
_"D...Daddy I'm sorry" _The words came out subconsciously as my eyes closed and my body fell limp.


	10. God send him an angel

**_Chapter ten- God send him an angel_**

"Hey" Doll smiled down on me as my silver eyes fluttered open. Her pale hands twisted a rag over a metal bucket, ringing all of the water out of it. My torso was back in gauze and a cotton patch covered the wound on my forehead. "Betty really messed ya up" she said with a sad look and finished scrubbing the blood from my skin.  
"I keep wondering what the fuck your doing in a circus tent" Vic muttered from where he sat beside doll. "I understand that your father sold you but it came to this?"  
"I'm not part of the circus, Vic" I muttered quietly.  
"Then what happened"  
"I was helping beast with an act"  
"How do you know these people?"  
Doll spoke before I could "She's dating my elder brother"  
Vic's jaw visibly clenched "Who?"  
"His name is Joker" I said slowly.  
"Your with a clown?" He snapped.  
"No! He's the ring leader…first off a-"  
"Hecate, what is his name?"  
"Joker"  
"His real name…." his eyes were suddenly dark. Deep down I knew he was just concerned for me. That I was with some crazy guy I knew nothing about.  
"His name is Joker. That was the name he gave me when we met, that's who he is to me"  
"God damn it, I thought you were smarter then that"  
"Vic…I haven't seen you in almost 5 years…don't come in here trying to run my life. We were betroved, we were friends….that little girl you knew….died…a long time ago" my tone was venomous and full of bitter poison. The look in his eyes said he caught it.  
"Very well then, your obviously a very fine young woman, I'll trust your judgment….but do not say I don't know you, Hecate" He tipped my chin up and stared down into my eyes "I know you, from the way you curl your toes when your excited to the way you pull on your clothes when your nervous. There is no one on this earth who understands you better, knows you better, can love you better"  
I shivered feeling his warm breath on my ear but shoved him away with my hands "He loves me best….shut your mouth you don't know any fucking thing!" Doll wrapped her arms around my shoulders putting a barrier between Vic and I. "Just let me change your bandages, Hecate" She looked at Vic over her shoulder "Back off"  
"Hold still" I nodded and sighed as she wrapped the scratch marks on my left arm. "Brother Joker won't be too pleased with this" she said dropping the rag in the bucket.  
"Hey Doll, Let's not tell him. He's stressed already...he doesn't need this"  
"But what will we say about your wounds?"  
"That he wasn't fucking here to protect her" Vic snapped from the corner of the tent he now sat in. I glared at him telling him to shut his damn mouth. I was happy to see Vic again but he was pissing me off.  
"Betty attacked me during an act and Beast did all she could to help me" I said slowly to make sure she wouldn't forget. She nodded understanding. It wasn't important now, Joker wouldn't be back for two days. I still wanted Doll to understand the situation.  
"Just one thing Hecate" Doll whispered.  
"Hm?" I mused.  
"Brother Joker aint stupid...uneducated but not stupid. He ain't easy to lie to either...good luck making him believe your story...he knows how Beast can be sometimes"  
I nodded "I don't like to lie to him Doll but trust me this time its for the best"  
She chewed on her lower lip unsure at first but soon her features turned to show she understood "Okay"  
"How do you stand being around these people? Their so…illiterate" the word hung from his lips like he hadn't clue how to put it.  
"And you're a dick, Vic" Slowly I pulled the covers over my head and bit my lower lip hoping he'd just shut the fuck up. I wasn't in the mood for bullshit. I laid my head back against the pillow and preyed with all I was that Joker was alright. My eyes slowly closed. God, I know I haven't done this in awhile...I'm not even sure your listening but please guide him...help him make the right choices...please be his guide...he needs an angel...he needs light...

My body felt numb and my ears seemed to be ringing. "You should just rest up today" Doll said sweetly "You really need it" she rubbed her hand down my arm through the blankets I refused to come out of. with that said and done she got up and left the tent. I bit my lower lip and turned over on my side wincing at first.

_Jokers POV_

I sighed as I made my way up the steps leading into Fathers mansion. The corridor was dark and eerie as it always had been. Outside his door I braced myself for the site that awaited me behind the door. I composed myself and only at that one brave moment, without thinking about it, I pushed the door open.  
Wrapped up in hideous gauze with a piggish smile on his face he said "Joker, my dear boy have you come to visit father with good news?"  
I bit my lower lip seeing as I had no good news "No father...the servants at the manor retaliated and I figured we'd need a better plan of action to take them on and so..."  
"Joker" his gaze turned deadly and his tone irate "I want the boy!"  
"Father with Hecate's help we can get through the manor and the servants without a problem!" I shot back.  
"Hecate?" He snapped "Who is this girl?"  
"A..She's a former maid of the Phantomhive residence...she was hurt so we took her back with us. She knows those people and that house hold. She'll tell me anything I want to know" the words coming out of my mouth left a sour taste on my lips. It sounded like I was using Hecate...but sounding that way was the only way he'd allow her to stay.  
"Fine. Come back in two weeks" he muttered. I bowed and turned to take my leave of him. "Oh and Joker" I heard his voice but did not turn to face him.  
"Yes Father?"  
"Do not disappoint me again"  
"Yes Father" I left the manor. When I got on my horse I couldn't help but wonder if Hecate was alright...what she was doing...what she was thinking... The sound of my horses hooves beating against the dirt filled the air and I slowly but surely began making my way home. _If I dont stop...I'll be home early in the morning..._I pulled on the rains and brought my horse to a halt. On the ground, in the dirt laid a woman with long silver hair and tan skin. She was hurt no doubt...beaten...possibly raped and totally naked. I got down from the horse and pulled her against my chest "Hey?"

Her sad blue eyes opened slowly "I'm terribly sorry for troubling you"  
"Ye are no trouble...what happened to ye?"  
"M..My master Alois." her voice cracked and blood leaked down the corner of her mouth as her body fell limp and she lost consciousness. With a long sigh I lifted her up bridal style and and got back on the horse. Her back was supported by my arm as she rested unconscious in my lap.

Around what must have been 3 am we finally road back into the circus. "Doll" I said as I came up on her tent. She poked her head outside "Brother Joker! Your back early" I nodded and handed Hannah to her "Please give her something to wear and care for her just for tonight" Doll nodded and without another word took her into the tent.  
I sighed and led the horse back to the stables. Every second it took to get back the medical tent felt like an hour. Hecate was asleep, body wrapped up in the sheets and her face was relaxed. I smiled leaning down to peck her lips. Hecate was beautiful, soft and sweet. My finger tips brushed her cheek and she stirred a bit. "I love you, angel" I said sweetly at her ear as I wrapped an arm around her and finally let myself feel at rest.


	11. Lies an a smear of the truth

**_Chapter eleven- Lies and a smear of truth _**

Hecate's POV

I yawed as my silver eyes fluttered open. A smile crept across my lips as Joker's warmth surrounded me. _He's home. _"Good morning, Love" He muttered at the shell of my ear, his hot breath sent shivers down my spine. "Morning. Your back early" I said turning to face him. His lavender eyes went wide and his eyebrows furrowed together "What happened?"  
"Huh?" at first I wasn't sure what he was talking about. He roughly tugged my bangs up out of my face revealing the bruises and scrapes from the tiger incident. "What happened to ye? These wounds are new"  
_Hecate you have to lie to him...It's for the best you can't start any trouble here...lie to him...you did it once you can do it again...wait….where's Vic? Ahh focus on that later._  
"Beast needed help with her act, She lost control of Betty but she did all she could to protect me" every word I said left a sour taste on my lips and tightened the knot forming in my stomach. At first his eyes were cold, very, very cold and then they turned soft and he cracked a broken, sweet smile. "Ye are so danger prone" his strong arms closed around me and held me tight.  
Biting my lower lip I laid my head against his chest and smiled to myself. He was happy...He believed me. _Is it wrong to lie if it's for a good reason? I've lied my whole life...every smile that graced my lips...every "I'm fine thank you"...was a lie. I even lied to Master Ciel and I owe him my life...Joker I'm not a nice girl...you shouldn't love me...you deserve a nice girl. _  
As I rested my head on his shoulder, his arms still locked around me and my eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. Vic was asleep in the corner of the tent he'd been sitting in, white hair falling over his eyes, curled up in a fetal position. FUCK!  
His large hand cupped my right cheek and I looked up at him "I know that look, what are ye thinking?"  
"What look?" I asked halfheartedly.  
"That one" He jokingly pulled on my cheek with his thumb and forefinger.  
I laughed gently "This is my face" I pushed his hand away "I'm not thinking anything"  
He sighed and brushed my bangs away from my eyes "That hair of yer's is getting to be a tad long"  
I nodded "I haven't cut it for a few months, I suppose it is getting a bit long" _Good he dropped the subject. _"I'll cut it for ye, if ye'd like that"  
I cracked a light smile "Thanks but no thanks"  
"Oh come on, just cause Imma guy don't mean I can't cut hair"  
A laugh erupted from the back of my throat "It's not like that"  
"Oh?" He pushed me down on my bed, pinning my wrists above my head "Then what is it?"  
"I um" I couldn't help but laugh. He was playing that bad guy, pinning me down with that smirk on his face and he...he's not that bad guy. It just didn't suit him.  
"What are ye laughing at?" He asked offended.  
"Your acting all hard" my sentence was broken by my constant giggling.  
"Eh!"  
"Sorry Joker but haha I'm more of a tough guy then you"  
"That's a little insulting Hecate" He laughed.  
"No, no" I smiled turning him over so I was on top "Your just a big ole sweetheart"  
"Ye are the first to say that bout me" He let his fingers tangle in my long dark hair.  
"That shocks me."  
"Why?" he ran his fingers through my hair in a loving manor.  
"Cause your great" I said sweetly, leaning down to gently touch my lips to his.  
His arm draped around my shoulders and my body rested on top of his. The tent was silent all except for the quiet sound of us kissing.  
"Um guys" Doll's voice made the both of us jump away from each other. Joker sat up and looked at her "Yes?"  
"Miss Hannah is awake now. I fear that she's sick."  
"Hannah?" I looked at Joker a bit odd. I was almost sure I'd met all of the first tier members or at least heard their names.  
"I found her in the woods last night, she was hurt" He said standing up. I threw the blankets aside and made myself get up. Joker sighed "That costume looks uncomfortable." He pulled his white shirt over his head and threw it at me "Put that on, I'll grab a new shirt from my tent on the way."  
"Thank you" I said politely stripping out of the costume Beast had given me. He watched me for a second as I shimmied out of the beast tamer outfit. "STOP!" I blushed.  
"Stop what?" he teased with a cocky smirk.  
"LOOKING! Your such an ass!" My face was beat red as I turned my body around and pulled his shirt over my head.  
"Ye have such a cute bubble butt" He kissed my cheek and walked out the tent before I could smack him. My fingers worked the ribbon the held the shirt together as Joker strolled out of the tent. "Awe your cute" I heard Vic mutter sleepily. I blushed realizing he'd probably been awake that whole time "Fuck you!" I hissed quietly.  
"Did he really not even notice me?"  
"Go back to sleep Vic" I scurried out of the tent and caught up to Joker. He looked at me and smirked.  
"What?" I asked looking down to hide my red cheeks.  
"Yer still blushing"  
"I'm gonna kick your ass" I growled under my breath. We came to Jokers tent. "Here" He handed me the boots that went to my maid uniform "I still have yer dress to, but it's blood stained so just wear my shirt for now."  
"Thanks" I said stepping into my boots, tying them loosely. Joker studied me for what seemed like forever. I gave him a questioning look.  
"Nothing, Ye just look so cute"  
"In your baggy shirt and my boots?" I asked in utter disbelief. _What in the hell of it was cute about that? On top of all that my hair was a total mess. _He caught my lips in a chaste kiss "Ye are adorable" I walked into his tent behind him. It was simple, a bed off to the right, a small chest to the left and a desk beside the chest. "If ye can manage to stay out of the medical tent for even a day ye can stay with me in this tent"  
I smiled lightly "I'll give not dying my best shot"  
He pulled a new shirt on and over lapped it with his decorative purple trench coat. "Let's go check on Hannah then" He took my hand and led me to another tent. Due to the fact she was sitting outside of it I assumed it was Doll's. Joker led me inside. The woman in Doll's bed was beautiful, made up of tan skin, blue eyes and long silvery hair.  
"How are ye feeling"  
"Fine..."  
Doll said "I think her wounds are infected their heeling up awful odd"  
Joker knelt down at her side "May I see your wound"  
She pushed the blanket back with her hand and showed him a few stab wounds. It came to my sudden attention that she was completely naked. Feeling awkward I turned my head to the side and looked away.  
Joker smiled "Ye'll be fine. That fever ye are running will go down by tomorrow"  
Hannah nodded "Thank you so much, my master is quite cruel at times. He left me in the woods after inflicting those wounds on me"  
"Why?" I asked.  
"Well you see" She held out her bruised hand "This happened a few days ago and it made my hand a tad shaky. I spilt juice on my master's shirt and well as punishment" Her voice trailed off.  
"What was your masters name?" I asked looking her over once more. For some god unknown reason she reminded me of Sebastian. "Trancy" she responded lightly.  
My stomach formed a tight knot as if I'd been kicked and my hands flew up over my mouth.  
_FlashBack_  
_"Ah she'll do nicely" He was a large man, with heavy set wrinkles and a perverted eye. I looked up at him with sullen eyes and bruised lips "She's a bit beaten up though"_  
_Druitt smiled at him and ran his finger tips down my bare shoulder "I assure you, she's lovely. A bit temperamental at times but lovely. Of all my princesses she is my favorite" _  
_"What's so wonderful about her? I like to know what I'm paying for"_  
_"She has a marvelously deep throat, a beautiful voice and firm breasts. Also she tends to fight back and thats always fun. Others just lye there. Her spirits not broken yet. She's still fun" _  
_I sat there as they talked, naked on the floor with sad eyes and bruised skin. I hated moment's like this moments where I was a show...moments where my clothes laid in front of me yet I'd be beaten if I so much as reached out for their warmth. My long dark hair fell over my shoulders, hiding my naked breasts from sight. _  
_"I'll give you 1000 dollars to keep her for three or four weeks and then have her brought back her for you then"_  
_A smirk spread out on my masters face "Hecate, dress yourself and have one of my mistress's do your hair up pretty. I'll see you in a few weeks" with a broken 'yes sir' I gathered my dress into my arms and pulled it back on. _

_I remember the ride to Trancy's home being a long one. That man's _  
_eyes never left my chest. I played with my fingers and moved my feet about uncomfortably. "You look nervous my dear" He coed._  
_"Fuck you" I hissed turning my eyes to the window. He stood and grabbed me up by the back of my hair, pulling my face close to his "Listen wench, I own your bitch ass right now and you will treat me with respect"_  
_I smiled at him mockingly "You don't own me, your borrowing me. Druitt owns me and I don't even respect him. Shove it up your ass Trancy. I don't give a damn what you think or feel. Your nothing more then a pompous tart" _  
_"Your an educated slut. That's certainly rare" He dropped me a bit roughly and my head smacked against the mahogany that lined the polyester carriage seat. I propped my skelp for a large knot and quickly found it, frowning when I did. _

_The Trancy manor was large, elegant. Most wouldn't believe it was the kind of place it is. The first thing I saw walking in was a happy looking blonde boy who greeted the old man with a "Welcome back Father!" and a sweet kiss on the cheek. I saw the look in that boys blue eyes, evil, murderous eyes that were filled with sick amusement. All I could think was 'This place is insane' _

_Apparently Trancy hadn't bought me to be his sex slave. He had no interest in touching a woman. Instead he would force me to dress up in revealing costumes and put on teasing shows for him. If I refused or messed up, he'd hit me. Sometimes I simply took the beatings because they hurt less then the 8 inch heels I'd sometimes have to wear. He was a sick man, with a sick mind and he enjoyed the pain of others. _

_"Hecate? That's your name right?" Alois asked one night as I scrubbed the bath tub down, wearing one of the old man's outrageous costumes. A pair of assless hooker pants and a busty black corset. "Yes that's my name"_  
_"You look a raggedy mess" He said arrogantly. _  
_"Forgive me your royal Hign-ass" I sneered. _  
_"No need to be a wench" He whined. _  
_"Why do you do as he says, Alois?" I asked looking at him out the corner of my eye._  
_"Same reason you do, to stay alive" _  
_"I see" I whispered. _  
_FlashBack over_

"You worked for that terrible old man?" I asked feeling sick just thinking back on it made my feet hurt. Damn 8 inch heels.  
Hannah shook her head "Your thinking of the late earl Trancy. He passed away awhile ago. I work as a maid for his successor, Alois Trancy"  
"Alois?" I looked at her. So he left everything to that kid.  
"Exactly, How do you know the Trancys?"  
"That sick old man used me for his perverted dress up" I sighed resting my hand on my hip "How'd a nice pretty girl like you get mixed up with them?"  
"I knew Alois's younger brother" was all she said.  
"How'd that tie you to Alois? He was kid napped so how'd you find him"  
"No, No!" She said a bit frantically "You have to understand I loved those children dearly. I searched a long time for him. Then I found him at the manor and got a job as a house maid"  
I looked her over, she showed no signs of lying "Alright. One more thing. If Alois was so close to you why did he cast you out?"  
"My master is a bit bipolar from time to time"  
"I remember that" I said pointedly.  
Joker caught me by the hand "Ye never told me about the Trancys"  
"I figured I'd give you the jist of it and leave it at that. Details like that really aren't to important"  
He rolled his eyes at me and gave me a light frustrated smile "What am I gonna do with ye? I don't care how unimportant ye think it may be. Tell me everything"  
"Alright but just for the record I don't even remember every single man that bought and sold me." I said in my defense.  
He let out a halfhearted laugh that said he didn't find that funny "Alright, Love"  
"Hannah, get some rest" Joker said "Let's go Hecate" I followed him out. As he tugged me down the little snow covered path I could tell something was troubling him. 'Joker whats wrong?" He stopped me by his tent "We have to carry out a mission for father tonight. Ye have to partake if ye want to stay here with me"  
"What?" I gasped, subconsciously putting my hand over my mouth.  
"Hecate ye've done awful things in yer life. This no different"  
"Excuse me? I've done horrible things? Yes I fucking have but I've never once hurt someone else! Most definitely not a child!"  
"It's just one child tonight" He grabbed me by the arm.  
"One? One thousand! Theres no differance!" I protested.  
"Then don't partake but come along. At least come along so ye can stay here"  
I bit my lower lip. _I love Joker...love him no matter what he's done but...if I go along I'll be at fault for whatever happens to that child. Maybe If I tell him about Renbon he'll listen to me._  
"Joker I have to tell you something"  
"I'm listening"  
"You told me that you were doing this to protect your brothers and sisters at Renbon orphanage right?"  
"Yes"  
"I wanted to tell you as soon as you said it but you kept cutting me off...Renbon isn't there anymore Joker it's gone"  
He stared at me through dark eyes for a moment "I don't believe ye"  
I latched onto his hand "Joker you have to. Come with me. I'll show you" I tugged at his hand a bit frantically.  
"NO!" he snapped and his good hand flew across my face. Tears stung my eyes and I held my hand over the welt forming on the side of my face. The sullen look in his eyes faded and it turned to agony "Hecate I'm sorry"  
"Don't even bother!" I cried and turned to run back to the medical tent. I wanted to hide, to go find a nice hole and die in it. He hit me. I couldn't believe he hit me. I was only trying to tell him the fucking truth.  
The mattress in the medical tent felt cold and lonely as I laid there alone, with the sting on Joker's hand on my face. I'd been beaten and smacked by several men before him so "Why dose it hurt so much this time!" I cried openly into my hands, curling up into a ball. Stupid Joker. Vic crawled over to my side and pulled me into his arms "Hecate….what happened?"  
"Nothing" I tried to push him away. I didn't want his attention. "Hecate" Doll stood in the door way of the tent "Are ya alright?" I wiped my tears on the sleeve of my shirt and turned to face her. "Oh gosh! Brother Joker didnt do that, did he?" the look on my face must have said it all because she rushed her arms around me and held on tight "Hecate ya know he didn't mean it. Brother Joker loves ya a whole lot, tain't a thing he wouldn't do for ya"  
I smiled weakly "I know that Doll. Still it's not like I'm not gonna be pissed at him. He was an asshole for doing it. You shouldn't come in here to apologize for him. Tell him to grow a pair and face me himself"  
"How did ya know he sent me in here?" She asked with a curious tone.  
"Bring that asshole in here, I cant believe he hit her" Vic snapped as he draped an arm around my shoulders. Doll narrowed her blue eyes "He dosnt even know you're here yet….dose he? This should be fun…"  
Her eyes drifted toward the door as a hand parted the drapes "Hecate ye know I'm sorry" He said finally coming inside the tent.  
"Go on Doll" I said gently and sent her on her way. She hurried out and her tiny form disappeared outside the tent door way. Lavender eyes widend "Who's this?" Joker sat down at my side "This is Vic….he was my best friend in childhood, he came to a show last night"  
"I see…" Jokers voice was slow, irritated almost "I figured ye wouldn't wanna see me at the moment. Sending Doll in here had nothing to do with a lack of balls" He muttered.  
I slipped a hand over Vic's mouth before he could open it and rolled my eyes at him "Yeah...I know"  
He leaned down and kissed my cheek where he hit me "Please forgive me"  
"No"  
"Hecate I know yer mad"  
"No you don't." I turned to face him and sat up "Your the one man in my life I ever trusted not to hit me. You have no idea how pissed off I am!"  
He looked hurt, he let me down and he knew it. He probably felt about as shitty as I did. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit ya...I just...lost it for a second"  
"I know. In one sentence I threatened the balance of this whole world you've built for yourself and the others. I understand your reaction. I should have told you in a different way"  
"I'll make it up to ye" he smiled "would you like to visit your old home, at the Phantomhive manor?"  
"Yes!" I answered with a bright smile despite my bruises and cuts "I miss Finny and Meyrin and Bard"  
"Great, We'll go later tonight. I'll take ye there and wait for ye while ye visit yer friends"  
"You'd do that for me?"  
"Well of course, anything to make ye happy" he said as I threw my arms around his neck feeling like I could start to forgive him for hitting me. _Joker, Thank you_  
"I'll let you two talk a moment?" Joker said it like a question and I nodded as he left the tent a moment.  
"Do you really believe him?" Vic asked raising an eyebrow at me.  
"Yes, asshole, I do"  
"Is it okay for me to stick around awhile? Make sure your okay?"  
"I understand that you want to…but why"  
"I'm a guardian angel, Mon amour, yours" His tone was soft, subtle.  
My eyes widened "So…"  
"I'll be protecting you whether you like it or not"


	12. Betrayal

**_Chapter 12-Betrayal _**

As I moved around Joker's tent in a flash of white and black grabbing my old uniform and my boots Vic said "Do you honestly believe him?" I only nodded as I let Joker's shirt fall around my ankles. It suddenly occurred to me that Vic was staring at me intensely. "My god you've grown" he stated bluntly with wide emerald eyes as I slipped on my stockings and guarders.

"I was 14 last time you saw me, Vic" I shrugged lacing up my boots. He walked up behind me and lifted my hair away from my back so I could maneuver the corset around my torso. I felt my pale cheeks go warm as he lifted my hands to the back of my head, a silent command telling me to hold all my hair out of the way. His deft fingers started to lace up the garnet as I bit my lower lip.

"All these scars and marks, Hecate, you shouldn't rush into danger so often" He kissed my shoulder sending a shiver down my spine as he grabbed my dress up off Joker's bed and said "One leg at a time now" As I stepped into the dress I stared at him, he really had grown up, still ever the gentleman though.

I couldn't help but smile at him, so focused on making me perfect. "I am just a little bit danger prone" I muttered as he cupped my face between his hands. The sound of Joker entering the tent made me jump a bit. My lover caught me by the hand and kissed my forehead.

"I'm sorry that blood stained yer uniform" he tipped my chin up looking me over with smoldering eyes. Never was there another man more beautiful than my Joker. He pulled me into a strong, protective embrace as he stared at Vic over my head "Keep yer hands to yerself, angel beats" my lover's voice was a sneer.

I backed up and placed my hands on my hips "Learn to get along" I hissed at Joker and then looked toward Vic "Your first impression sucked ass….fix that" at first he just stared at me and tipped his head to the side, I hissed "NOW!" Kicking back on the bed I watched the two of them for a moment.

Vic extended a hand "My name is Victor Ballista. I give you my word as a French gentleman my intentions here are pure and I will not do a thing to hurt whatever it is you and Hecate have going on here"

Joker looked bored, like he didn't buy it for a minute and reached out shaking Vic's hand "Call me Joker, and I knew ye won't do a thing to our relationship because I'd slit yer throat first" I dropped my face in my hands and groaned. _Men. _

The night air was brisk against my ivory cheeks as Joker walked beside Beast, I walked along side Vic. "Are you excited?" asked my best friend. I nodded unable to explain just how happy I was to be seeing everyone again. Meyrin and Bard…Finny…my darling Ciel…the thought of seeing my adopted family again made me want to dance.

As the manor came into view I noticed Beast and Joker had fallen behind us by a small distance. Joker snatched both of my wrists up in one hand. I struggled and hissed "What the fuck are you doing, Joker!?"

Vic's eyes widened "The girl ran inside, Hecate!" I swung my body around and brought my elbow into Joker's chest forcing him to release his hold on me.

"You brought me here to kidnap him…DIDN'T YOU?" I snapped, my voice strained.

"Hecate, please understand…It was the only way…."

"No! I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY! I WILL DIE BEFORE I LET YOU HURT HIM!" I turned my body around and ran into the yard, lungs burning as I approached the front door of Phantomhive Manor.

Sebastian was there waiting for me "I knew your loyalty was to us" he said slowly welcoming me back inside. He knew what was going on, he always knew what was going on.

"Where are my throwing knives?" I questioned as he led me into the manor. I didn't want to but I knew I'd have to fight off the members of the Noah's Ark Circus.

Sebastian raised a dark eyebrow at me and smirked his demonic smirk "Hm? Why so long rage with your tactics tonight, you're an excellent strategist and a formidable opponent hand to hand"

I bit the inside of my cheek and tried hard to think of a reason to give him then I remembered I was covered in claw marks and bruises "A run in with a tiger left me a little worn out…I don't have it in me to fight anyone hand to hand at the moment" I lied softly and prayed he'd just shut up about it.

Once I was standing in the door way of my bedroom he rested a large gloved hand on my shoulder "Clean up, I can't have you defending this house looking like that" I heard the door close as he disappeared down the hall and rushed toward my closet. I knew I had a spare uniform somewhere. A small smile spread out on my lips when I found it and I slipped into it as fast as possible, pulling all my hair back into a pony tail to keep it all out of the wall.

My body still hurt but it felt nice to be back in clean clothes. Grabbing the mace of my night stand I walked out of my room and down the corridor toward the dining room. I breathed slowly, my pale hand trembled slightly around the chain connected to the spiked ball of the mace. "Hecate" Jokers voice made me spin around abruptly, the spiked ball flew, he dodged it gracefully jumping backwards "I don't want to do this, I know ye don't either"

"Where's Vic?" I growled gripping the chain in my palm a bit harder, it almost hurt to hold it so tightly. Joker's chest heaved slowly and he stood very still, his footing told me he would be ready to jump again the moment I moved my hand.

"He left…He told me to see that ye were taken care of" his words confused me, Vic was supposed to stay with me, supposed to be here. I'd only just gotten him back and my life and he was already gone? "Argh!" I lunged at him, swinging the mace at him hard and spun around on my heel to try to catch his ankles with the chain.

He chuckled and jumped out of my way just ever so slightly "It dose me proud to see how strong my girl is"

I felt my heart drop to my stomach and shaking violently screamed "I am not your girl! You lied to me! Deceived me! Your just like every other man I've ever met!" With that said a pain flashed through his vibrant eyes and it twisted my stomach into a tight knot. I ran at him again, feigning right I swung my weapon around to the left and caught him off guard, the spikes drove into his left leg, I ripped the ball away from his skin and watched him bleed through the thigh of his pants.

Joker staggered backwards "Ye are my everything" At that my body froze and He caught me by my pony tail bringing his dagger to my throat. The blade was cold and sent shivers down my spine, I could feel his breath on my ear it made me want to turn and kiss his lips "Come home with me, Ye don't belong here"

Biting my lower lip hard I pulled the throwing knife I kept attached to my thigh free of it's sheath, swinging my arm back I cut through my pony tail. Strands of black fell to the floor in heaps with my rubber band. Running toward the other side of the room I spun my body around putting some distance between us.

His eyes widened and just as I moved to look over my shoulder to see what he was staring at, Beast drove a knife into my stomach, the pain was immense, I fell to the tile floor and breathed slowly trying to keep calm and stay alive. "HECATE!" Joker screamed as Beast jumped over my limp form.

"We got the kid, Joker lets go!" through hazy vision I watched them run out with Ciel over Beast's shoulder, ties and battered like a hunted deer. A small groan left my paling lips as a million things went through my head. Voices…memories…Joker…


End file.
